The Benefits of Dating a Geek

Geeky women get a bad rap in popular culture. Spectacled, un made-up and socially awkward, the stereotypical geek is not even considered as a potential partner by a lot of men.

I’m going to attempt to lay out ten of my own reasons for being in a relationship with someone as geeky as me. I could lay out literally hundreds of reasons, but since time is at a premium these days, I’ll truncate my list to ten. πŸ˜€

Here goes.

#10: No shitstorms about dress sense

She doesn’t give a flying flip what I wear. She won’t give me grief about going to the dinner in a pair of jeans that look like I’ve had them forever. She does the same thing, after all!
This is a major benefit for me because my sense of dress is…ah…a bit challenged at the best of times.

#9: She “gets” it

She understands the pain that a lack of bandwidth can cause. She knows how annoying a bug can be. When I rant about the abomination that Network Address Translation is, she doesn’t react as though I’m speaking Swahili.

#8: Broken nails are not national emergencies

The last time my sister broke a nail, she turned the whole frigging house upside down.

She moaned about how horrible she’d look at her upcoming presentation.

She cursed the f*****g idiot (me) who caused the unlikely sequence of events to occur.

It is a major relief to simply hear “Whoops, I think I broke a nail. Meh. So what were you saying?”

#7: She’s intelligent

Of course, anyone can be intelligent, but the geeky types are almost always so.

The ability to have an intelligent conversation about pretty much anything under the sun is a truly amazing benefit. I don’t have to restrict my conversations to a handful of topics at all. She’s always up for a good discussion.

#6: She doesn’t play immature games

I’m talking about mind-games, not Dungeons and Dragons.

Being more than a little socially awkward, she has spent her college years actually learning how to be an engineer (rather than learning how to manipulate people), and is a straightforward person with little use for silly psychological tricks. I know I can trust her implicitly.

#5: She is loyal

Being a fiercely loyal person myself, this is something I really appreciate. It’s great to have a partner you know is loyal. Makes it that much easier to love her and be a support for her.

#4: She accepts me for what I am

She doesn’t care for the macho man image. She doesn’t want me to be a knight in shining armor. She doesn’t expect me to conform to the social image of being a “real man”, any more than she conforms to the social image of a woman herself.
For a pro-feminist like me, this benefit cannot be emphasized enough. I detest the whole idea of chivalry and all the other outdated claptrap that comes along with that. She detests it as much as I.

#3: She’s a passionate, dynamic person

Passionate women are a HUGE rarity in India. Mostly, you just see these zombies weighted down by a patriarchal upbringing, their ambitions revolving around marriage and family.

This is not exactly their fault, but the fact is that I find passionless people rather unattractive.

A’s own love for technology, and her ambition give her a dynamism that causes me to do the male equivalent of going weak in the knees.

#2: She is confident and independent

Knowledge is power!
She may be socially awkward, but self-confidence is something she doesn’t lack at all. The ability to do amazing stuff with computers gives her a sparkling sheen of confidence and independence and boy, don’t I dig that.

#1: She knows how to be her own person

Years of being excluded from what the general population considers “mainstream” definitely help you keep your SELF intact.

I am amazed by her ability to compromise when necessary and yet not lose herself. This is one thing I will always, always admire, no matter what happens between us.


Love ya, A!


24 thoughts on “The Benefits of Dating a Geek

    • Of course you would look at it in a different way.
      It probably looks pretty different from the female side. Plus, you’re older, and have different priorities, situations, goals. Makes a difference.

      A knows it exists (I told her), but I’m pretty sure she doesn’t read it regularly. She’s not really into blogging and stuff.

  1. Times have changed indeed!

    Cut to the nineteen sixties and seventies.
    Most young men like you, fresh from IIT will find only #5 acceptable and #3 partly acceptable.
    Let’s review your list and and peek into the mind of a typical male 50 years ago and compare.

    #10: No shitstorms about dress sense

    The opposite would be the case.
    The girls you fancy would make a big deal about dress sense, colour, style etc. That adds to their “femininity”. Spending on dresses will be a major item in your budget after marriage and you will be prepared for it.

    #9: She β€œgets” it

    No, she won’t get it and you would have preferred it that way. You would feel a strange sense of power and importance when you get the chance to explain everything to her while she listens open-mouthed with wonder and awe at your intelligence and knowledge.

    #8: Broken nails are not national emergencies

    Of course they are. You must fuss over her and she will expect to be fussed over. Nothing is too small an issue.
    The sudden appearance of a pimple on her face before an important social function must be treated as a major tragedy.

    #7: She’s intelligent

    No, instead she is pretty.

    #6: She doesn’t play immature games
    Of course she does and is good at it.
    Using tear power she can move mountains.

    #5: She is loyal

    Yes, this is one quality every man will love whatever era you belong to. But many men would want loyalty without being expected to return loyalty.

    #4: She accepts me for what I am
    Fond hope. The girl will go all out to change you.

    #3: She’s a passionate, dynamic person

    Passionate, yes, but dynamic? No? Dynamism must be reserved for the male.

    #2: She is confident and independent
    How dare she? She must be dependent on you. Your knowledge is power. She must be confident about you not about herself.

    #1: She knows how to be her own person

    She will know how to make you her own person.


    • Wow!

      I couldn’t help but wince at some of those. I’d probably be able to live with the dressing up and the pimple tragedies, but I can’t IMAGINE trying to get it on with someone who goes all out to try and change me, or with someone who I’d have to explain every little thing to.

      Times certainly do change, but I think there are still many men and women out there who wouldn’t mind having the sort of relationship you described. To each their own, I guess.

    • 50 years ago? Are you kidding me? Did Grandma’s had time to care about their nails? Hell no unless they belonged to some Royal family.

      This is the reality of today. I know there are people of A’s type too. But there are certainly more people of GV’s types these days.

  2. 1. I dont think there is anything wrong in dressing well and putting up a good front. It sets a good impression, theres a reason why they insist on formals for interviews or at a workplace. Not that you should doll up like throughout the day but, it surely helps if you clean up well.
    2. Geeky ones are always almost intelligent. I beg to differ. As much as i respect your engineering know how, however more often than not, geeky types have no clue about whats happening in terms of world affairs. Its a one sided knowledge that they get. When it comes to social science, social consciousness, understanding the nuances of things, grappling with complex sociological complex factors they struggle. I would like to quote the example of the BRT corridor in delhi. Thats what happens when you just have an engineering bent of mind. You need to factor in socio-economic factors too. Having said that i feel its much to do with our education system which compartmentalizes arts and science.
    3. Another point about intelligence, just because somebody is in a devil likes prada world does not mean that the person isnt intelligent. Fashion designers need to have a good business acumen as well. Paris Hilton for all the criticisms, but hell she actually very shrewd if you go through her business establishments. For that matter rakhi sawant too.
    3. As far as loyalty is concerned, i think its absolutely unfair to think that geeks are the only ones who are loyal. Loyalty has to do a lot with your upbringing, social peers and personal experiences and your own moral radar which has got NOTHING to do with being a geek. Its subjective.
    4. In any field to be successful you NEED passion and dynamism. Nothing is static. Be it any profession- engineer, doctor, curator, journalist, critic, writer etc. Without it you are bound to fail in whatever path you have chosen to undertake.
    5. Yes knowledge is power. But my dear again be it ANY field, even if its photography or being a librarian, the fact that you are well versed in your area gives you CONFIDENCE. and no matter what nobody can affect you. You will be your own person and unaffected by other. If i am journalist, i know my stuff, i know what i have to do, i WILL be confident, passionate and dynamic.
    6. As far as being her own person is considered, it can apply to ANYBODY. for that matter even my friends can say that yeah i dont give a shit about what others say. I am what i am.
    7. For accepting you for who you are or for a guy to accept me for who i am. Again NOTHING to do with geekiness. It depends on your compatibility with that person, your trust and your love. I can say the same thing for my bf, for all you know he might a spoilt rich brat or a drug peddler.
    8. And trust me immature games? What exactly is your definition of IMMATURE GAMES? is it for you your computer programming games? Then thats completely unfair. Others out there aint engineering fellows. There are lawyers, doctors, dancers, singers etc. What may be intelligent for you maybe gibberish for others. Again subjective.
    9. I get the “she gets it part”, thats an advantage. But what if you fell in love from somebody from an arts background? You will ditch her because she dosent get you? There are hordes of couples out there who are diametrically opposite, including most of our parents.
    10. I think firstly you need to distinguish whether you are writing about your relationship with your gf or a general thing and secondly i think its grossly unfair to lionise the whole “geek” persona. yes they are intelligent, but hey how do you define intelligence? gtng full marks from rote learning? yes they are there own species, but trust me dude go out there you will find equally intelligent, smart, dynamic, passionate, loyal etc ppl in EVERY POSSIBLE FIELD.


    • Do not be annoyed at me, oh liberal arts major!

      “Geek” is a rather broad term and I do not mean it in the narrow sense of someone in love with technology. If you replace “geek” with “intellectual type”, the post will not change. I would consider anyone in love with their own subject a “geek”. That includes journalism, law, fashion, writing, medicine, poetry, lawn-mowing, gardening, botany, stand-up comedy, politics, film-making, administration, psychologist and whatever you want to add to that.

      Acceptance and independence has a LOT to do with being a geek. People who not been accepted themselves by the mainstream tend to be a lot more compassionate towards diverse viewpoints. They also find it easier to NOT fit in. I did not claim at any point though, that intellectual people are the only ones who can achieve this.

      I am not claiming that geeks are always better dates. I am merely pointing out the benefits of dating one particular geek. That is not a reflection on anyone who doesn’t fit into that loose clichΓ©, nor is it any cause to take offense if you do not describe yourself that way. This is not a zero sum game.

      Finally, YES, all of this is completely irrelevant because what I’m really talking about here is THE geek I know, love and possibly hope to marry someday.


      • Ok so i get the idea of geeks being open to more diverse viewpoints. Agreed. Also the broad geek term.I just felt that your post had more to do with the girl you are dating, especially since you are a geek yourself! and your definitions of loyalty, passionate etc. w.r.t being geek bothered me and hence the LONG comment. And um yeh thats it i guess!!

        p.s. though i agree with the breaking of a nail as a national disaster..;)

        • Geeks are Loyal, its the truth. Don’t look at an individual but a bigger picture as in statistics. Geeks don’t know how to flirt, they haven’t been on multiple relationships, they don’t have time to cheat, they don’t fancy messing around. Compare this to non-geeks.

  3. Ah well, whatever I was going to say has already been said by AS. This post is not about geeks, but merely your girlfriend. Nothing wrong in that, but categorizing all geeks as above would be false. I also beg to differ when you say that geeks are all independent, unless you define geek as a person who thinks for himself. I know a lot of people passionate about their field, but not at all independent nor dynamic.

  4. Regardless of all your reasons and the bucket list, I’d say I really like this post because every word of it you are expressing appreciation for your partner and it shows how important she is to and that you value her above all, I think this underlying reason made it such a pleasure to read πŸ™‚ God Bless you both! πŸ˜€

  5. Interesting read! I understand totally that this list is ‘Your list’ and written to shows the love and appreciation you have for A.! Sometimes one partner can be totally opposite of the other, with respect to minor nuances, and still be compatible. For instance, ‘I don’t get it’ when The Partner talks about economics and neither does he when I start off on evolutionary genetics. But we like it that way, because there are a loads of interesting things that one can learn from each other! The main thing, I feel, is that the two people should be compatible and agree upon the bigger and important things: for instance, if your partner is big time into horoscopes and religious mumbo-jumbo and you are a die-hard atheist, then that is a sure formula for regular battles!

    • Oh yeah. In fact, I think some things HAVE to be different (in terms of personality and such). Two overly emotional people in a relationship would probably drive each other crazy, for instance. I’ve seen that happen.

  6. CE, if you think your sense of dress is challenged and “she is the same”, what you’re saying is, she doesn’t have any dress sense either. Hope she thwoks you on the head for that. πŸ™‚

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