In traditional circles, it’s considered a Good Thing for women to fast for the people they love and care about. A lot of men think it’s a Good Thing too.
I wonder if these men have ever thought carefully about what they’re REALLY supporting.
If you don’t get my drift, read on.
In principle, a (voluntary) fast can be a great gesture of love. If your idea of love revolves around sacrifice and Bollywood Romance, a fast can be a great way to express that.
I mean, let’s face it. Hunger isn’t a pleasant feeling. If your partner’s willing to take that unpleasantness just for your well-being, she obviously loves you a lot.
Logical? You bet. Correct? Hardly.
Look at it this way.
No one can tell whether your partner’s fast REALLY makes you live longer. I mean, it’s really HARD to tell, damn it.
Between your love for Havana cigars, your tendency to “eve-tease” the women at the Judo club and your Need for Speed on the highway, there’s really no telling when you might die, fasting partner or no fasting partner. I mean, who knows, right? One Judo slash to the wrong place tomorrow and shazam! You’re dead. On the other hand, you could get lucky. Even an insurance company wouldn’t bet on precisely how much time you have left and how that might change with (someone else’s) starvation ceremonies.
So let’s not assume anything. Let’s take both situations into account.
Either fasting helps or it doesn’t.
Let’s suppose it doesn’t.
If your wife’s fast isn’t going to help you live longer, the first question you need to ask yourself is, WHAT THE EFF ARE YOU GUYS DOING?!
Tell her to cut that jazz and stop wasting both of your time. Do something REALLY romantic instead.
Have a candlelight dinner.
Adopt a puppy.
Watch a movie with her.
Whatever the hell you want to do. The world might be a crappy place but there are definitely better things to do out there than sit around and watch your partner whine about starvation.
But what if it doesn’t work like that? What if the OTHER scenario is true? What if fasting really does work and your wife is sitting there, right now, fasting for your benefit?
The answer, my friend, is that you’re in deep, deep trouble.
Think about it.
One morsel of food is all it would take.
Your lifespan would be reduced by a fourth.
Your insurance premiums would rise faster than you could say “unfair”.
You won’t have the pleasure of deleting the names of dead friends from your phonebook at the age of seventy. Instead, you’ll get deleted yourself.
You don’t want that shit to happen to you.
But there would be nothing you could do to stop it.
Effectively, your partner has you tied into a chair, and is carrying a loaded gun pointed straight at your head. Of course, she promises never to use the gun, but who’s to say she won’t change her mind when you refuse to get rid of that silly mustache?
You’d have to bow to her every whim and fancy. If you don’t, she can just proclaim a fast and then eat breakfast as usual. It would be like murder without the mess.
And god help you if you get a divorce or if you break up with her. She’d have every single frigging thing you own out of your grip in a flash, quite literally on pain of death. You’d have to use cardboard for furniture, and that would only be after she’s made you purchase all the cardboard she’d ever need for the rest of her life.
So if you’re male, and your partner’s into the fasting thing, tell her, ask her, request her, beg her to STOP. You’re going to lose either way if you don’t.