The Lament of An Indian Husband

Contrary to popular belief, Indian husbands are a downtrodden lot. No, seriously. They are. You women just don’t realize it.

Do you think it’s easy, shouldering financial responsibility while you sit pretty at home and read blogs like this one? Do you think it’s easy, having to decide whether your cooking is better than your mother’s? Do you think it’s easy, trying to come up with a detailed timetable that allows you to care for him in a way that doesn’t encroach upon his mother’s right to care for him?

It gets worse and you, my dear madam, are the reason.

You and your demands. All you care about is jewelry. Diamonds. Gold. Platinum. Rubies. Emerald. Half a dozen other precious stones. Yeah, yeah, I know you’ve never mentioned wanting anything of the sort to your husband, but really, everyone knows what women are like. And even if we didn’t know, we men always have the SMS jokes to guide us around the frailties of a woman’s mind. We know you secretly want this stuff. That’s why your hubby has to keep tight control over you at the mall. Money doesn’t grow on trees, you know.

As if all that weren’t enough, you consider your husband to be actually ACCOUNTABLE to you! Can you imagine the cruelty of that? He actually has to tell you before going out for a night with the boys! And you don’t even let him cry on your shoulder about his bachelor days being over. Yes, I realize that he decided to marry you of his own free will, but so what?

Anyway. What’s the point? I wouldn’t expect you to understand anyway. What do women know? Men like FREEDOM. Not cuddling on the couch. They must have their freedom. You may call yourself an equal partner or any of that feminazi shtick but you’re still the wife. It’s not like what YOU want matters that much, you know. You’re supposed to be like his mother, and mothers are supposed to be sacrificing. That’s how it works.

And that brings me to the last, and worst point.

You aren’t remotely like his mother.

Clearly, you are shirking your duty here. You make him run the Washing Machine and wash his own socks. You make him wait eons between successive hot rotis. You let him enter the KITCHEN, for god’s sake! Is this what your parents taught you? Is this the person he married? Do you even care about him?

Why don’t you sacrifice yourself for him? Why don’t you let him take you for granted? Why do you refuse to be treated like a doormat?

It’s wrong, I tell you! Our very CULTURE is being ruined here! And here you are, sitting and reading a blog post while the dinner burns.

Get back to the kitchen, please. THAT’s your domain, and it doesn’t end with a dot-com.

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29 thoughts on “The Lament of An Indian Husband

  1. LOL!! I thought you would have something to say about it. Thank you, this was a treat.

    I have to thank IHM or maybe that very typical Indian Chavunist who made that comment…

    • Heh. I have a hell of a lot to say about it.

      I can’t begin to tell you how SICK I am of tired old clichés like these. Over the years, I’ve just grown LESS tolerant towards people who throw them around, not more.
      Not a good character trait, I suppose, but we all have our prejudices, don’t we?

    • Ashwathy,

      I was actually hiding under a rock, being a web 2.0 Hobo. 😀

      I have now entered the age of enlightenment, thanks to the dogged determination of one supremely persistent woman (she knows who she is).

      Comments like yours help keep me from going back to the rock. 🙂

      Welcome to the Blog!

  2. Haha, awesome!!!! This caricature pretty much describes my ex-husband.

    Especially the having to wait between hot rotis bit.

    I think he probably felt more angiush at the prospect than did Jewish prisoners in Auschwitz.

    Some days, I’d actually think that he’d burst into tears; so deeply did he feel the affront to his husbandly pride. :))

    Oh, how greatly do some husbands suffer at the hands of women like me! It’s an unjust, cruel world indeed!

  3. I actually think Indian men lose a lot. They rarely have a choice of careers – brainwashed into engineering/medicine whether they are interested or not. They have to be the money makers in the family – can’t work/afford to change jobs just because of job satisfaction. They have to maintain an image of being a pillar of strength for their families (even if they are breaking down inside).

    I think gender bias is tough on both men and women

    • Nish,
      Patriarchy sucks for most all people. Men aren’t an exception, in general.

      But that same patriarchy also gives men the latitude to be abusive and chauvinistic, and many take full advantage of the fact. Such people resist change tooth and nail, because they are loath to give up their own privileged position, even at the cost of having to live a life that runs on a kind of pre-written script.

      As an engineering student into my final year, I am no longer shocked at the sheer number of people who get into the field just because their parents told them to. People like me, who are genuinely passionate about their courses, constitute a rather small portion of the total college population. It’s almost ridiculous.

      • Digressing a little, but just to agree with what you wrote in the last paragraph. In fact there were several PhD students at my research school who were the wannabe-engineer-doctor-but-could-not-crack-the-entrance-test types. Needless to say, they were so clueless about what kind of research they wanted to do, that they chose topics which that would be sure to land them plum jobs post-PhD, because that was what their parents wanted! Hah!
        And then these types went about laughing at my choice of research, which they considered unfeminine (“who will marry her if she goes off into remote forests”) but according to them it had ‘no scope’ (whatever that means). You simply cannot explain to these types, that when you do what you really love, then you wake up in the morning not to go to work but to do fun and exciting things at The Workplace.

        • ‘The field has no scope’ is Indian student-ese for “It’s going to be hard to carve out a safe, cozy, conventional career here”.

          In engineering, just like research, there are distinct gender lines. Apparently, Computer Engineering is alright for Good Indian Girls (to the extent that any kind of engineering can be fine), but Mechanical Engineering is off-limits.
          I’ve never quite understood why that might be. It’s not like the Mech people do anything which requires extraordinary physical strength (and let’s face it, half the males in there would have to drop out immediately if they did).

          It’s more about perception than anything else.

  4. Pingback: The Christmas Blogging Award | Shail's Nest

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